Ten Happy Moments

Day 27 in the @BestSelfCo Edison Deck Challenge is a card that looks at the recent past and reflects on "10 recent moments of happiness in your life.” I am writing this on the day where we honor the life of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. The prompt made me recall his quote: "the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others." As personal as my ten moments may be, I’ve also reflected on how those moments may or may not serve others. It’s part of taking a temperature on whether I am being selfish, selfless, or pro-self. More about the specifics of self in a future blog post.

The key focus of this card is in two words: moments and happiness. There are big, epic experiences that mark happy milestones (i.e., the birth of a child, falling in love, reaching a lifelong goal), but this asks for those glimmers that are small yet mighty; gifts that don’t linger but are the building blocks that make up sustaining happiness. Moments of happiness are nuanced and appear as feelings of joy, peace, love, awe, gratitude, accomplishment, reverence, warmth, purpose, and possibility. In no specific order, I share my recent glimmers of happy moments. As far as recency, let’s just say none of them are past their sell date.

1. Joy. I am a late bloomer when it comes to running. I ran my first marathon at 49 and became a Boston qualifier/finisher at 50. Over a decade later I find myself rehabilitating a serious fracture of my humerus/shoulder (not related to running) requiring surgery, hardware (consisting of plates, pins and screws), and healing complications that has left me sidelined for nine months. Nothing more ambitious than walking has been the extent of weight bearing exercise. It has taken a village (kudos to the orthopedists, physical therapists, and latest technology in bone healing therapy) to get me to this point. I finally got the thumbs up to try a short, moderate run. All I can say, is I felt great joy to be able to run without pain. And my mini-Aussie pup, Luka, who has been waiting nine months to be my running partner, accompanied me with enthusiasm and wonder. He kept looking over his shoulder, checking to see who was this new person on the other end of the leash. We both slept well that night and the next morning he beat me to the front door when he recognized I had once again donned the long-forsaken running shoes. Selfish – in this case selfishness was a necessity. Having always put my job, organization, or family first, this joy came from being self-possessed about my recovery and by putting my health first, I am healing.

2. Possibility. The pandemic decimated the predictability of the performing arts. This past week, I attended my first in-person symphonic concert. Those of us who work or have worked in this field and have been adamant about putting artists first, making sure they had both health insurance and a livelihood, and curated a bold path to safely return artists to the stage, left a part of ourselves in the moral, ethical and strategic journey that made that possible. It pales to the burden that public health officers, nurses, physicians, and technicians in the medical field have endured as the pandemic has surged and resurged. But, like many, I needed to connect practice to passion. The concert combined my fledgling learning of the mandolin, the escapism of Venetian folk music, and the familiar (Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons). Israeli mandolinist Avi Avital and the musicians that took the stage did so masked but with purpose. The audience was also masked and vaccinated or tested with purpose. Without the facial expressions, I focused on the music, the players’ eyes, and the flickering hope that this concert might signify, even in the height of the Omicron surge. It reflected the possibility that the connection between performer and audience would overcome the odds. Pro-Self – a balancing of self interest with what is good for others. This balance was evident in the care taken by the organization, the musicians, and the audience. That partnership made this live music experience possible.

3. Awe. I am one of the people that have what they call a pandemic pup. I am new to having a dog that wasn’t raised as a family pet. Luka and I found each other when I was living alone due to shelter-in-place orders and I was going stir crazy without companionship. I took all the advice I could gather beginning at 8 weeks, making sure I socialized him every chance I could get. Life became complicated and long story short, after a hiking accident, another relocation, and introduction to an alpha 13-year-old cat, we’ve somehow become unconditionally attached. I find myself laughing out loud, belly laughs, as he learns faster than a velociraptor (his breed is known to recognize up to 1600 words), and he uses this vocabulary recognition to amuse or get into mischief. The real awe is when we go somewhere that is an off-leash area. He is social and greets any other dog with a play bow. If they take him up on his offer, he gives chase, quickly pulling ahead to be chased. He is a herding dog, and he can cut and outrun almost any dog on the field with such freedom and glee. He will slow down to make it interesting, speed up just when a larger dog is about to overtake him, or even jump and turn in midair, just for the fun of it. There is no inhibition, no luring of reward, just pure fun, and athleticism. I stand and watch, and then he looks to the sky, seeing a flock of geese flying for warmer temperatures, and takes flight across the field, thinking he will somehow reach them. He sits at the edge of the gated field, looking up at the sky in awe as if he is happy for their freedom. Selfless – Happiness is often when we stop thinking of ourselves, or the self, and allow ourselves to look outward, to run the race without a finish line, and to cut the chase and look to the sky. That is when we see what freedom and happiness looks like and what it feels like to have wings.

4. Love. Acts of love are often acts of transformation resulting in something that is both new yet built on memory or a place in time. I had two experiences that created happiness, the first when I took a well-loved family sofa that had seen better days but I couldn’t bear to part with it. I gave it a $60 face lift by recovering the disintegrating back cushions and matching it to a carpet that I had purchased for my work office, but never used due to the pandemic. The happy feeling was avoiding the “throw away and discard culture” and recycling with a recipe of love, creativity, and thriftiness. The second was a project of repairing my daughter’s lambswool blanket. It was a gift that had an unfortunate demise that involved her dog and a snout injury. It left the black/gray blanket with a hole and blood stains (a story for another time). Thanks to Woolite® and an inspiration that came from the book I was reading at the time (Anthony Doerr’s Cloud Cuckoo Land), I repaired it with a two-sided felted patch, hand embroidered with my daughter’s initial on one side and her dog’s initial on the other. A sad memory made happy out of the hands of a mother. Selfless – Creativity has a power that takes over the self and the output comes from somewhere other than the maker. When I experience these bursts of creativity, it is as if the self is the vessel, the inspiration is the love for the recipient(s), and the result is pure happiness.

5. Warmth. Over three decades ago, I was given a small book titled Biscotti by Lou Seiber Pappas. I am not an expert baker by any stretch of the imagination, but back then, I discovered I loved making biscotti and this small book with recipes from various cities in Italy as well as regional variations inspired me. Life got in the way and the book went lost between many others. A few weeks ago, I was making room for more books in various bookshelves, and I rediscovered this little treasure. With the left-over gifts of almonds and spices from the holidays, I began with the first basic recipe that has an almond base, a hint of orange zest, and I elected to dip half in semi-sweet chocolate. They were so successful that my daughter asked to bring them to her friends (that rarely happens). I packaged some up for a coffee with one of my friends and the rest disappeared without a trace. My next attempt went off script as I had my BFF over for a catch-up lunch. The challenge was to make biscotti that was grain free, gluten free, and dairy free. My pumpkin, cranberry, hazelnut concoction made with almond and coconut flour did the trick. Twice baked, and left to dry in the oven, this biscotti created an aroma that made the house feel like an inviting home. Again, half went as a gift and the other half were perfect for guilt-free afternoon tea. Happiness comes from creating warmth through tastes, smells, and the giving of small gifts. Pro-self – the word biscotti means “more than one” alluding to the process of cooking the biscuit more than once, but I think it also implies the balance of making something sweet that is easy to share with others, as well as giving yourself a small afternoon treat to dip into your coffee or tea. Warming the heart of more than one is definitely happiness baked into a cookie.

6. Peace. Happiness comes in those moments that bring serenity, peace, and calm. For me that is taking 15 to 30 minutes in what I like to term an in-home spa moment. One day it is a moisture risk face mask (the ones that have the imprints of different animals are a hoot), another day it is the noise canceling headphones with my favorite music in a steaming bubble bath, and sometimes it is as easy as putting an aromatherapy disk in the shower as I recover from a strenuous workout. I also have green tea/lavender under eye gels that I use as I brush my teeth, a rose scented face spray that I use when I am stressed, and disposable foot booties that I can don when I am binge watching my favorite TV series. These are small gifts to myself that makes me remember that peace isn’t something that finds you, it is an environment you can create, if only for a few moments. Selfish – Creating peace in oneself is a building block of happiness. And once we make ourselves happy, we create the possibility to have it spill over to others.

7. Accomplishment. I’m one of those people who thinks about what I’d like to have happen and somehow believe that to make it so, it must begin with me. For some things that works, for others, the ideas continue to linger and take up space, waiting to get to the top of the “to do” list. When we bought our house in 2000, it had a back yard that was loosely bounded on three sides by neighbor fences. I’ve never been a “fenced in” type of person, so we left access on both sides of the house open. It allowed our daughter and neighborhood friends to run from front to back unencumbered. We also always had cats, and they use fences as a walking path from territory to territory, liking that perspective and the advantage of looking down upon the lowly humans. Returning home with a high energy dog and a one-armed leash walking limitation, the idea of gating the yard re-emerged. On my dog walking route, I saw a gardening/handy man working in the neighborhood with his small shop in tow behind his truck. I asked for his card and decided perhaps it is time to contract out. Jose came in rain, on the weekends, and built and installed two wonderful gates that I can open and close one-handed. The sense of accomplishment and pride that he had in his work was infectious. I think about his dedication to detail every time I go in and out of the gates, and I am flooded with happiness. During the snow, and with a visiting pooch, the two dogs ran and romped in the back yard as we dug ourselves out of the snow in the front. I now have a growing list of possibilities as it relates to creating a sanctuary now that the space is enclosed. Selfless – Jose never imposed his vision on creating a solution but endeavored to meet both the need and the deadline with efficiency and elegance. Happiness is knowing when to ask for help and enjoying the accomplishment with gratitude and appreciation.

8. Reverence. I have had many happy moments brought on by Mother Nature. A blanket of snow that transforms, the warm wind that finally melts the snow bringing with it seasonal rain, and the shimmering full moon that returns every 28 or so days without fail. In these moments, I feel happy and a sense of reverence. I’m in awe of how a mushroom that wasn’t in the bark the day before, emerges in full glory the next day. I have an app that helps me recognize these fungi, most of them toxic, yet others, like the Turkey Tail, able to cure cancer. I stand in awe of nature and what it can do. Yes, reverence is the right word. A deep, happy respect for the natural world. Tonight, we have the Wolf Moon, symbolizing the moon of the hungry, the cold, the old, and those that have left us, the spirits. I look up and whisper as my mother taught me, “Fill it up, fill it up, fill it up.” She used her wallet, certain that an unexpected gift of prosperity would appear over the next 28-day cycle. I use my heart, equally certain that an unexpected moment of happiness will come over the same cycle. Selfless – Nature is bigger than any individual, bigger than oneself, and the bounties of happiness it can bring should be enough to inspire each of us to do everything we can to protect it, nurture it, and revere it.

9. Gratitude. After six years of working elsewhere, I moved back to a place where I have a strong network of friends, colleagues, and family. My happy moments have been those of reuniting. We’ve had to be creative and careful due to the pandemic. It has brought us out of doors for a walk, a rendezvous at the dog park, or mastering the art of apparel ayering for outdoor dining. We’ve learned how to hug, and for me, to shake with my left hand. Each moment has been filled with gratitude. I am so very thankful for those who have helped me, seen me, and lifted me up when I needed it. Happiness is in the reaching out and making contact and following through on the connection. Happiness is never taking that type of friendship or connection for granted. Pro-Self – Reuniting takes effort on both sides of any relationship. There is the reaching out, the reception, and the reciprocation. It is a balancing act, and one that I am grateful for and all the happiness it brings.

10. Purpose. It is hard for me to get through any given day without connecting with a purpose. I start each day reminding myself of my values, and I am happiest when I take these moments of solitude, ritual, and reflection to simply clear my mind and let go. Having a rigor of meditation, yoga, and mantras that span twelve areas: managing ego, life values, creativity, home life, emotions, health, relationships, inherited and financial legacies, the divine, highest potential, the outer world, and the inner world. Connecting with a purpose that is larger than myself makes me happy. Suprisingly surrendering to that purpose brings happiness. I think that is what Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. meant about living a life of service by focusing on creating happiness not for yourself, but for others. Selfless – Happiness happens when we focus on creating it for others. It’s a virtuous circle of the best kind. I’ve found it helps to have a purpose that you can commit to on your best days and even more important, on your worst.